Screw You Liberals - Today I Have Become A republican

I give up, I became a conservative republican today...

Posted by AnArmyVeteran in General Discussion
Thu Jul 22nd 2010, 08:51 AM

 

I give up, I've had enough, I can't take it any more. After years of fighting for progressive causes and trying to do what was right for my country, I've decided to become a republican. Not just any republican, but a conservative republican, a far right wing extremist.

After a lifetime of pounding my head against the wall trying to promote progressive values I finally asked myself 'why?'. It hasn't gotten me anywhere and I haven't made any impact on society or made it better. I've just been hurting myself.

It takes far too much energy and mental exercise to be a liberal, a democrat or a progressive. Being a liberal means I have to think intelligently using entire paragraphs and think rationally. I have to inform myself by reading hundreds of sources for information to make sure I found the truth. But I've become tired of immersing myself in the sea of knowledge and now I just want to crawl to the nearest shore and rest.

So it is with great pleasure that today I am announcing I have become a conservative republican. I've officially changed my party status and I am no longer affiliated in any way with anything that hints of left wing ideals. I have finally swam ashore and I feel very safe and secure on my small right wing island where I no longer have to process information or to try to seek the truth.

From this point forward I am only going to listen to talk radio and Fox News all day long for all of my information. It's going to be so much easier than using all my energy with thought and research. I'm hereby going to stop thinking, and instead, just absorb everything I hear from my new right wing sources. I give up being a functioning human being and a responsible, informed citizen, and from now on I will just mindlessly sit in front of my television or radio and let right wing hosts do my thinking for me. I will faithfully repeat only what I hear from them, never doubting anything I hear. I'm looking forward to just regurgitating buzzwords instead of using complete sentences or paragraphs.

To ensure I remain a conservative republican in good standing I have scheduled appointments to have 95% of my brain and 100% of my heart removed. As a right wing extremist I know I will no longer need them because I don't need to think, and I certainly will never need to have compassion or empathy for any other human being. I now believe in the right wing philosophy of a dog-eat-dog world where only the strongest should survive and the rich should own everything and control our country.

I'm going to like living my life selfishly, without any regard for anyone else. If I see someone who is poor or down on their luck I will now feel they deserve their fate instead of reaching out my hand to them. If I see someone who is vulnerable I will try to exploit them. I will now prey on others instead of praying for them. And I will support my new conservative philosophy which favors the lazy and opportunistic rich over the hardworking poor. I know only those who are rich have any true value while people of modest means have zero worth.

Capitalism is my new god are CEOs are my god's disciples. I now consider Limaugh, Hannity, Beck, OReilly and so many others to be the missionaries who believe unregulated capitalism is a divine force in which we shall all bow to and worship. I vow to always pray to the god of the almighty dollar and condemn those who do not share my newfound greed.

I was so excited yesterday when I received my conservative republican welcoming package in the mail. Contained within it was an 8 x 10 glossy photo of Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin. When I was still a thinking and responsible liberal such a picture would have ended up in the fire, but now I am proudly displaying that photo above my fireplace in a place of great reverence.

I have officially gone over to the other side. I urge everyone who was as tired as I became to follow me and to have your minds and hearts purged from your lives. I'm learning how truly blissful it can be to be totally ignorant.

Signed,
A former educated, informed liberal who is tired of using my brain and my heart...