The American - English Political Dictionary

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/McCamy%20Taylor/562

Having trouble making sense of American political debate?

Your problem may be a semantic one. Many of the words used by politicians in the United States look and sound like English. For instance, “deficit” looks just like the word that means “the amount of short funding” if you speak English. But, in American, “deficit” means any government spending that enriches anyone other than yourself. Here are some other tricky words:

“Freedom” equals “fear.” Recall how Bush said that “terrorists” (another problematic word) envy us our “freedom”? Remember how you scratched your head over that one? What he meant to say is “Big Brother loves your fear.’ Yes, that is correct. “Terrorist” is a buzzword for “Big Brother” in His fearsome, wrath of God aspect. Do you seriously think that the United States government can not win a battle of wits with a bunch of guys living in caves in rural, Afghanistan? When the shoe bomb gets through, it is because “Big Brother” wanted it to get through.

How about “jobs”? I’ll bet you think you know what “jobs” are: the plural of “job”, what you do everyday so that you can pay the rent, right? Wrong. “Jobs” has nothing to so with flipping burgers or performing heart surgery. In American, “jobs” is defined by its opposite---“overhead”. When the new breed of conservatives talk about “increasing jobs” what they really mean is “lowering overhead.” And since a major component of the overhead of any company is its payroll, in order to cut costs, they have to cut jobs---or at least the amount of money they pay the people who work. So, when you hear that outsourcing, union busting, and mass layoffs “increase jobs” remember what “increase jobs” really means, and it will all make perfect sense.

Now the GOP’s official slogan of the 2010 midterm elections---“Jobs and Freedom”---makes sense. The party of Bush promised us “Lower overhead and more fear.” Good old fashioned American values.

Speaking of “values”, do not run to your Webster’s Dictionary if you want to figure this one out. A “value”, singular means either the worth of something or a deeply held belief. “Values” plural means “icky! as in sex with someone you would not personally want to sleep with or beating up someone you do not think has it coming or language your mother would wash your mouth out with soap if she heard you using it. “Values” is basically “personal preference” except without the “personal”, since it pretends to be a universal truth.

“Truth”? Don’t get me started. Philosophers have gone on and on about that one, but in American, “truth” means “loudest”. That is why conservatives always shout when they are on TV. That is why corporate media giants are born. Altogether now. We have always been at war with Oceana!